Sunday, November 18, 2012

Playing Favorites

I worried when we got ready to bring home Haven, our number two baby, that I wouldn't be able to love him like I did Grace.  After all, Grace was the center of our new family universe.  There just wouldn't be enough in me to divide it up between two kids.  But of course as the expression goes "love doesn't divide, it multiplies.  And of course there is plenty of love for all six of my kids. 

But as a parent do you love some of your kids more than others?

Come on, fess up!

OK, maybe you don't love them more, but maybe you like them differently? I will be honest and say that is definitely the case in our house.  But you know what, it's not my fault.  It's them.  My kids play favorites!

Grace likes me best.  I think this is because I held her more when she first came home.  She wouldn't sleep so I would carry her around for hours every night, just waiting for her to pass out.  I couldn't sit down and rock her, I couldn't lay her on my chest, I just had to keep walking, keep walking, keep walking.  Brian lost patience with this pretty early on, but I just couldn't bear to hear her cry all night.  And she would cry all night!  Letting her "cry it out" just wasn't an option.  She has much greater staying power than I did.  We walked laps around my bed together and she became my little Cling-On baby. 

I must admit that I loved being Grace's favorite.  After all, Brian got to stay home with her all day long so I was thrilled that she wanted nothing but Mama when I got home from work each day.  Things did get sort of uncomfortable several months ago when Grace went through a phase where she "did not love Daddy".  After he came home from the first trip for Lou and Kat's adoption and he didn't have any babies with him, Grace got very very angry.  But as soon as the baby girls did finally get home she forgave him.  She has loved him lots ever since.  But I'm still her favorite.

Haven is 150% Daddy's Boy!!!  I am just chopped liver in Haven's eyes, and quite frankly, I never had a chance with him.  Brian brought Haven home from Congo by himself while I stayed home with Grace.  For 11 days Brian was the center of Haven's little universe.  He attached to Brian like mashed potatoes to Haven's afro.  And that has not changed one bit.  When Brian sends Haven to bed at night I'm the one Haven gets mad at. When he gets hurt he seeks out Daddy.  I am a far distant second best in Haven's world.

JoJo also is all about Daddy.  A few days ago, Brian went out for about 15 minutes to check on a neighbors cat.  JoJo sat on the floor next to the door wailing "Daddy Daddy" for 15 minutes straight.  This happens every time Brian leaves the house!  Very annoying.  I was gone all day long.  Did he wail "Mama Mama" even once?  I don't think so.  I'm not sure why JoJo is more attached to Brian.  I carried him all over Congo.  He was the lighter of the two babies so I got to carry him in my sling, while Brian had to haul two ton Manny around.  Maybe that was the problem.  Maybe JoJo's earliest memories of me are all negative.  Maybe he associates me with being strapped into a sling and crushed up against a strange woman's sweaty chest while he was being driven all over Kinshasa in a hot, smelly taxi.  And maybe he's held a grudge, and maybe that's why he runs away from me in parking lots.  Maybe he's having sweaty sling flashbacks???

Manny is our kid who is the most evenly split.  He loves Mama and Daddy pretty equally.  He lets both of us comfort him.  He likes to play with both of us.  He throws about the same number of tantrums for both of us.  He seems to get that Daddy is for playing rough and Mama is for snuggles and kisses. 

Louise is another Mama's girl.  She has been from about an hour after we got her.  I think I've told this story before, but the second day we had her early in the morning she but her little nose right up next to mine and said "Mama".  Oh how that girl stole my heart.  She is the first one to greet me at the door when I get home.  She waddles up and throw her arms around my knees so tight she nearly knocks me to the floor.  And when she's really excited to see me she sort of flips out and bites my legs. It's like having a pet terrier.  She is by far my most affectionate kid.  If I'm in the room she wants to be hugging and kissing every few minutes.  In fact, this afternoon I tried to lie down with her for a nap and she crawled up on my chest, held my face in her hands, and plastered me with kisses (mixed with snot, I must love this girl)!

The verdict is still out on Kit Kat.  She is very sweet and cuddly with whoever is holding her at the moment.  So I'm working extra hard to bring her over to my side :)

So, if we were picking teams for kickball Haven and JoJo would pick Brian, Grace and Louise would pick me.  Manny would have a tantrum because someone took the ball away from him and lay on the ground with his blanket.  Kat would pick whoever had a bottle of milk in their hand.  Brian's team would totally kick my teams butt. 

So friends, who plays favorites at your house.  Does it split down gender lines?  Does it have to do with which parent stays home and which one works away from home?  Is it about similar personalities or temperaments.  Is it completely random?

Who is your favorite?  Don't worry, I won't tell!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...