Friday, January 18, 2013

Is Six Enough?

Hmmmm.  Well.  Maybe.  Maybe not?  Hmmmm.

Since the moment we stepped off the plane with Louise and Kat this has been the million dollar question.  "Are you done this time?" "Is there going to be a number 7...or 8?" "Are you guys crazy?" "So, when are you going to start the next adoption?"

Well, the very honest answer is...I have no idea.

Some days I feel like we're done.  I stare into Kat's little chocolate eyes and I think I see the child who will always be my youngest, my baby.  I can't imagine anyone knocking her out of that spot. 

Some days the chaos is pretty...well...chaotic.

Some days I think I really could use a little more elbow room around the dining room table. 

Some days I think I can't possibly squeeze any more pennies out of my pay check.

Some days the thought of filling out another piece of adoption paperwork makes me throw up a little in my mouth.

But then there are other days...

...when I think maybe we're not finished. 
I mean, we have the extra seat in the van.
Grace certainly doesn't think we should be finished.  Since this summer she has been actively campaigning for another child from China.  She doesn't want to be the only "yellow" kid in the family.  She has become very sensitive to that fact.  I think our trip to the OFA reunion and the China Sisters reunion put this thought in her head.  At one reunion she was surrounded by Congolese kids and not surprisingly she was the only Chinese kid there.  At the other reunion she was surrounded by a whole flock of adorable Chinese girls that she would love to have as actual sisters.  We talked about it a lot at the time it first came up, but all of a sudden the issue has emerged again.  In fact last week, completely out of the blue, she broke into tears talking about it on the way to the grocery store.  Of course, we had always intended for Grace to have a sibling that she "matched". There just hasn't been the right set of circumstances to make that happen.
She apparently has also convinced Haven to join her lobby group.  Tonight just before bedtime he said we needed another China kid.  Or two.  A total of ten was finally agreed upon as the perfect total.  Holy smokes, these two are killing me.

But then again....oh I've never quite gotten China out of my head.  And I know that Brian hasn't either.  A few weeks ago a little baby boy's story hit the internet.  His mother was Chinese, but she was here in the states when she gave birth to him and she decided to do a private US adoption.  It would have been the perfect situation for us, had we been in any kind of position to act on it.  When I showed Brian his picture he said, "I sure wish we could bring him home".  In fact, he said a few days ago (and I nearly fell out of my chair), and I quote "I would adopt from China again if they would let us". 
What?!? Are you crazy?!?
But another Chinese child in our future is a really crazy long shot.  First of all, we don't technically qualify to adopt from China in several categories.  Second, you might have guessed we are not getting rich off of my teacher salary and Brian's stay at home dad salary.  Third, fourth, fifth...oh there are so many reasons that this is just an illogical, unrealistic, just plain silly thought to have in our heads.
But some days...I do a lot of thinking.  And so does Brian.  And so does Grace.
OK, so as with all of our children, if another is supposed to join our family, it will happen.  We will know.  God will drop a kid into our life at the right moment.  And the money and the approvals and the paperwork will fall into place.  If it is meant to be it will be.  She or he will find their way to my inbox, and then my heart, and then maybe my home.
Maybe.  Or maybe six is enough.
Or maybe I'm crazy.

***To all our family members who just no read this and freaked out--no, it is not an announcement.  Just the stuff that's on my mind.

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