Monday, April 8, 2013

Eating Out=Epic Failure

Sometimes we forget.

We forget we have 6 six kids.  We think we just have one or two like other people.

Or we forget that our kids are all under 6 years old.  We forget that they have no table manners. No manners of any kind really.

Or we forget that our kids are just as likely to throw, smear, drop, splash, or spit out food as they are to actually put' it in their mouths and swallow.

Maybe we're senile.  Maybe we're so good at blocking out the chaos in our own kitchen that we forget it is just as likely to happen in public.  OK, it is way more likely to happen in public. 

Brian had one of these lapses of memory on Sunday and I, being the ever supportive and dutiful wife, went right along with him, despite my vague feelings of dread and anxiety.  Brian didn't want to go home and try to make lunch after church.  He thought it would be easier/faster/more fun to go eat at Chipotle.

And it was an EPIC FAILURE.

We should have just walked back out when we saw they didn't have 4 high chairs available.  We should have just walked back out when JoJo started howling at the high, echo-producing ceilings.  Shoulda, woulda, coulda!

The food was finally at our table and divided amongst the howling, fidgeting, starving, sleep deprived children.  But food was not going to save the day.  Not this day.  Kat started freaking out because Manny had a drink cup and she didn't.  Then Manny started freaking out when I shared his drink with Kat.  Then JoJo started walking and then running small laps around our table.  Then people went from polite sly glances to full frontal staring!

It was just too much for me.  I sent Brian to the car with the littles.  I packed up my lunch to go and encouraged Grace to stop eating her lunch one grain of rice at a time (Grace is the slowest eater in the history of the world) and to hurry up and get in the van.  Three different strangers came up and made some lame comment about me having my hands full while I picked up the thousand napkins and plastic spoons we had dropped on the floor in just 15 minutes at this restaurant.


When we got home everyone went down for an EPIC FAILURE nap time (once you miss that small window of nap time opportunity it is blown for the day) while I ate my cold lunch.  Oh yeah, first JoJo spilled my to-go cup of soda all over the floor of the van.  Then they screamed in their rooms took naps.  So I ate my cold lunch with no drink.

Everyone practice with me now--"No honey, we cannot go out to eat".  "No honey, we cannot go out to eat". "NO HONEY, (smile, breath, stop shaking) we cannot go out to eat.  Remember, we have SIX kids.  Remember, our kids have no table manners. Remember what happened last time at Chipotle!"

Corn bread bigger than her head!

More More More

No, not a yamulka, a corn bread muffin wrapper.
Tables are for dancing, not eating!!!
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