Wednesday, August 14, 2013

My Eggs Are Too Old To Make Chickens

Over the last couple of years a lot of people I know have gotten pregnant.  A lot.  And many of these beautiful babies have been unexpected happy surprises.  Like babies being born to people with serious infertility problems.  Or to people in the middle of adoptions who weren't trying to get pregnant.  Or to folks who had high risk pregnancies in the past.  Or even to dads who have had vasectomies.

Lots and lots of beautiful babies all over blogs and Facebook, and at my church, and in the arms of dear friends.

And I must admit that I have been having a case baby envy.

Kat is turning 2 years old soon.  All my Littles aren't so little anymore.  And as many of you know I would love to go back and adopt again from China.  But China requires you to make a salary of $10,000 per person living in your home.  Here's a shocker: I do not make $80,000 per year as a teacher!  Sometimes they will waive this requirement if you adopt a more serious "special needs" child.  Which totally doesn't make sense.  If you don't think I make enough to adopt a "regular" kid, will I have enough money to take care of one with serious medical needs?  So, for now China doesn't look like a strong likelihood.

But I just can't seem to shake the baby-itis.  Grace has it, too.  Every time she sees a pregnant woman she starts to talk about babies and how much she would like another sister.  At first she was pretty set on another sister from China, but lately she has been more flexible.  She said it would be OK if we got another baby from Congo, or Wyoming or New Mexico.

She also asked if I could have a baby in my tummy.  Hmmmmm.

So yes, in theory, I could.  To the best of our knowledge, Brian and I don't have any fertility problems.  We just didn't want kids for a really long time.  And then when we decided we did want kids we definitely wanted to adopt them.

But now adoption doesn't seem like a great option.  Hmmmmm.

So about a week ago I had my yearly "well-woman" visit at the ob/gyn.  (Don't worry male readers, nothing too graphic about to be written)  She ran me through the routine exam and then asked if I had any questions or needed anything else.  And I almost couldn't believe the question came out of my mouth.

"Would it be possible for me to have a baby?"

I mean, I know that it is possible.  But I am on the older side of motherhood and I have been on birth control for about 150 years.  So logic tells me this probably isn't a great idea and probably won't happen.  But I still asked because somewhere deep inside I wanted her to say "Sure, when would you like to get started?"

Instead what she told me was, yes, I could get pregnant, but at my age it would be considered a high risk pregnancy. Which I already assumed.  Then she said that my eggs had been around for a long time and weren't so farm fresh anymore.  She said that there would be a 90% chance that my eggs would produce a child with chromosomal defects.  Oh my.  I did not expect that answer.  And I felt like I had been punched in the gut.  I put on a smile and agreed that it probably wasn't a good idea.  She did suggest that I could use an egg donor.  It would still be a high risk pregnancy, but the risk would be mostly to my health, not the baby.  But why in the world would I adopt someone's eggs when there are so many already living children who need homes.

I managed to keep on my game face until I got to the car.  Then I cried a little.  I never really ever thought I'd have a baby, but now someone else was telling me I probably couldn't, or at the least shouldn't.  It was a weird crazy feeling of loss.

I suppose if some random Chinese woman walks up to me on the street and offers me her eggs, I might consider it.  But assuming that's a long shot, anyone have a cure for baby-itis?
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