The Rocky Road to DRC

Yesterday the US Department of state issued the following statement regarding adoptions in the Democratic Republic of Congo:

Alert: Democratic Republic of the Congo Immigration Authorities Suspend Issuance of Exit Permits to Adoptees

On April 29, the Congolese Ministry of Interior and Security, General Direction of Migration (Direction Generale d’Immigration, DGM) informed the U.S. Embassy in Kinshasa that the DGM has temporarily suspended issuance of exit permits to adopted Congolese children seeking to depart the country with their adoptive parents.  This suspension is due to an ongoing investigation of an adoption that may not have complied with Congolese law.

The suspension of exit permits for adopted Congolese children applies to all intercountry adoptions and is not limited to adoptions by U.S. citizens.  These exit permits are required in addition to U.S. immigrant visas in order for children to travel to the United States.    

The DGM does not expect to issue exit permits to any adoptees during the investigation.  We will post new information as it becomes available on adoption.state.gov.

I could almost hear a collective gasp from the hundreds of families that are in process to adopt a child from DRC.  I know that reading this took my breath away and my kids are all home safe and sound.  But I have several dear friends and many lovely acquaintances that are waiting impatiently to bring children home.  At the very least this will mean another delay in an already long and bumpy process.  At worst, it points us in a direction of DRC closing down adoptions for good or, at best, indefinitely.  This is something that a lot of us have feared for a long time.

Early rumors sound fairly optimistic.  It sounds like this halt to exit letters is not because of a case of falsified documents or bribe paying or other common adoption corruption issues.  It sounds like an adoptive parent (not from the U.S.) who technically should have never qualified to adopt from DRC in the first place, somehow managed to slip through the system.  Or not completely slip through, considering this pending investigation.  I hope the rumor is true and it is simply a case of one isolated situation.  If it is true that means that DGM is doing its job.  It is providing the last security check in a very complicated process.

Right away when I read this news alert I thought of a friend who is bringing home a 6 year old girl.  She has no parents, no extended family to go to, and she has lived in an orphanage since birth.  Since BIRTH to SIX years old.  It makes me cry just to type that.  If she is not adopted she will NEVER have a family.  She will NEVER be able to look into the eyes of another woman and say to herself “This is my mama.”  She will be fed; she will have a place to sleep.  She will probably go to school until about grade 6.  She will live in a building filled with other children just like her.  New babies will arrive.  Some children will finally rejoin their families.  Others will die.  Six years will turn into seven and eight and nine….But everyday will look about the same as the last.  Just as lonely, just as hopeless, just as empty.

Grace spent her first 9 months in an orphanage and we are still trying to repair that damage.  What kind of damage does a life a spent in an orphanage leave behind? Prospects are grim for someone who has never lived in a “normal” family setting.  The likelihood that their future might include prostitution, forced labor or early marriage, drug or alcohol abuse, and suicide go through the roof.

I pray that DRC does not follow the same path as Vietnam or Guatemala, or Cambodia.  I pray this six year old comes home before she turns seven.  I pray that every family involved in international adoption takes a stand against the unethical practices that cause countries to close their doors.  I pray every night for all the children in the world who don’t have mamas and daddies. 

Maybe you could say a little prayer for them tonight, too.

Day 6--The Highs and the Lows

I woke up this morning to the loveliest little high.  It was very early, probably about 4am.  Baby L was crawling around in circles, but I kept my eyes closed hoping she'd just lay down and go back to sleep.  After a minute she stopped moving so I opened my eyes to see if she had settled in and there she was staring back at me, her little nose almost touching mine. 

And then she said it.  "Mama".  Oh my heart.  This girl is gonna have me wrapped around her little finger.

The morning took a steep nosedive from there.  Brian started feeling bad and then worse and then "this is the sickest I can ever remember being"!  We think it might be food poisoning, but there are so many things that can make you sick while you're traveling that there is no telling.  We think the culprit might be a coconut creme cake.  He ate it, I did not.  Even if that's not to blame, I bet he never eats coconut again!

So in the midst of Brian throwing up, and everything else you can imagine that goes with food poisoning we get another high--our exit letter is ready. Which means we are done and we can leave the country and take our girls home as soon as we like. Except we can't leave because Brian is throwing up all over the country and it is obviously not a good idea to have him throwing up all over a plane. It is hard enough to travel with two infants, but if you are not feeling 100% ready for it, it will turn into one of those stories that you tell your drinking buddies about--"I remember the time I flew home from Kinshasa with food poisoning and two babies with diarrhea. Ha ha ha, those were the days!"

No thank you.

So for right now we are playing it by ear. If Brian wakes up miraculously cured of his symptoms, then we may try to get a late night flight out. But if he is still puny we will probably just fly out when we were scheduled to this weekend.

Either way I am pretty OK with it. I definitely want to get home to my kids and get this party of 8 started, but they are all doing well with Grandma and her team of cracker jack babysitters. On the other hand, just knowing that I can leave at anytime makes the stress of being her significantly less. And there have been some lovely people here helping me out. They helped me wrangle the girls while Brian took nap number 37 of the day. They walked with me to the market so I could fetch keep-Brian-alive supplies. They offered me extra toilet paper. Now in Kinshasa, that's real friendship that will last a lifetime. Thanks B :)

So whatever happens tomorrow, tonight we are a family according to all the people who had to sign off on it and make it official. And according to Baby L, I am Mama!

Oh my heart!

Below, as promised, some pictures of the backs of some very beautiful heads.  I know you're dying to see the fronts.  Oh yes you are, they are gorgeous!!

Day 3--Bring on the Babies

I got to bed about midnight last night.  Then I tossed and turned all night long.  I was too hot, then too cold.  The bed was too hard.  The room was too bright.  My body was all achy from too many hours on planes.  And I am allergic to Kinshasa air.  Already, I was coughing all night long.  But all of this I expected, so I'm not whining, just reporting :) 

After all, this long night of discomfort was bringing me a few minutes closer my baby girls.

We got up at 6:30am since breakfast is served each day at 7:00am.  I took a long needed shower.  Good water pressure, but no hot water.  When you turn the knob not even a trickle came out.  So it was nice long COLD shower for me.  I'm pretty sure Brian did not mention there was no hot water when we decided which guest house to stay at. But there is great air conditioning, which is always his priority.  Maybe I just won't get all hot and sweaty the rest of the week so I can avoid another cold shower.  Yeah, right!

A few minutes after 7:00 we headed down to breakfast.  There was seating and food for probably 30 people, but not a soul in the dining room.  The breakfast today was toast and something sort of like bologna.  According to Brian it is not even that good.  So we headed back upstairs to eat a granola bar and to wait for the big phone call.

While waiting we reminisced about the buffet breakfast at the White Swan Hotel in Guangzhou, China.  If you're a China adoption parent you know what we mean.  More buffet tables than you could fit in my living room, dining room, and kitchen combined.  Traditional Chinese and American breakfast fare.  Piles and piles of fresh fruits, scrambled eggs, fried noodles, bacon.  Cup after cup of lovely Chinese tea.  A far cry from white bread toast and bologna.

Finally at about 8:30am the girls arrived with Papa L, Mama J, and 2 of their teenaged daughters.  These are the people that have been foster family to all 5 of our Congolese kids. They are amazing, generous people who have literally saved the lives of dozens of babies, mine included.  We met them in the lobby.  Brian videotaped while I hugged Mama J and whispered thank you in the small amount of French I still remember.  It doesn't matter much because she doesn't really speak French either, only Lingala.  So I just tried to squeeze her as hard as I could to let her know what a blessing she is to our family and how much I love the babies she is entrusting to me.

Then I move on the babies.  I pick up Baby K first.  She is 7 months old.  She is bigger than I expect, but also floppier.  She comes right to me and lays her head on my shoulder.  She has big Congolese eyes, very dark skin, long curly eyelashes. I think she favors JoJo a bit.  Baby L is a bit more reluctant.  She is 11 months old and clearly more attached to the family.  She is about the same size as K, but much further along developmentally.  Papa L says she eats a lot and though she is small she is very strong.  We chat about the babies for awhile and then it is time for the family to leave.  Their youngest daughter, she's about 16, was the primary care giver to Baby K and she starts to cry as we say our goodbyes.  This just tore me up.  Haven was Mama J's first foster baby so when Brian came to take him home she cried very hard and didn't really speak to Brian.  When we came for Manny and JoJo there were 10 other foster kids in the house.  They loved our boys, but 2 less babies wasn't such a big deal.  But these 2 girls, Baby K and Baby L are the family's last 2 foster babies and they have been the only 2 for about a month now.  So letting them go was clearly a little harder. 

I have so much respect for foster parents.  They make such a huge difference in a child's life.

After the family left we headed upstairs to settle down a bit.  L had a very hard time seeing them go.  She didn't  want me hold her and she was reaching out to them as they walked out the front door.  She is old enough that the loss of this family is going to be hard for her.  We got to the room and changed some diapers.  Both girls have some less than perfect poop and L has a pretty gnarly rash.  We discovered K has a hernia.  L has a slight cough and they both have a few mystery bumps here and there on their skin, but overall they both seem to be in good health. 

They did a good bit of crying and mourning.  L was especially checking out my strange white face and trying to yank off my mole.  She'd turn away and then turn back and cry a bit harder when she realized I wasn't the right woman holding her.  But after a while they both settled down and all 4 of us snuggled up for a long nap.  And as usual, everyone was happier after a nap.  After nap time we wondered around the building a bit, had a nice tepid bottle of Coke, and met a couple of other families who are adopting.  We got some sweet smiles from the girls this after noon.  L has at least 1 dimple and 4 giant sized teeth.

Right now it is about 7:45pm and everyone is settled in for the night.  Both girls are sleeping and so is Daddy.  I'm crossing my fingers that we get a few long hours of good sleep.  I will try to post some pictures tomorrow, but until we get our girls home for good you'll only be seeing the backs of their beautiful heads.  Sweet dreams!

America Has Better Orphans?

First let me say that last week was amazing.  I felt so loved, supported, affirmed, and lots of other super positive adjectives!  I have had a lot of stress about when it comes to this particular adoption journey, but I've almost always been at peace with it being the right decision for our family.  I know the funds we need will come to us one way or another. As my very wise friend Ellen said to me this week, the cost of the adoption is "just chump change to God"!  Ellen is so cool like that!

However, we did have one sort of weird negative encounter related to our fundraising last week. 

A friend of ours shared our link on her Facebook page.  Then a few minutes later someone else left a comment  (I copy and pasted these from Facebook so the spelling and CAPITALIZATION are not mine :))

nice BUT why cant ppl adopt in AMERICA there r children here that need a home TOO i will never support anywhere else till our own all have a home PPL NEED TO HELP OUR CHILDREN PLEASE!!!!!

 Then later in the evening they posted this:

because every Sunday news has a Sundays child its sad that noone wants them then u hear of ppl going overseas Where r the ppl for our own children that would love to have a home too IT SAD that a child in AMERICA cant find a home

And then a few minutes later:

 by the way Why didnt they adopt here

Wow.  I know that there are people out there that think this way, but generally they don't say it quite so publicly.  Well, maybe its for the best.  Maybe I need to explain.  So for all of you out there who are wondering why we didn't adopt an American child here goes!

• We adopted Grace because we wanted a family.  Period.  We were not saving an orphan, we were not controlling the population, we were not trying to make the world a better place.  We just wanted a family.
• We wanted a girl under 1 year old and China was an almost sure fire way to make that happen.
• We did not want a child who had a risk of fetal alcohol syndrome, drug exposure, sexual abuse, or other things that make being a parent any harder than it already is.  We had never been parents and we simply didn't feel equipped to deal with those sorts of things.
• We did not want to be foster parents before we were allowed to be parents.  We did not want to risk having someone come and take our child away from us before the adoption was officially final.  In China this could not happen.

(side note: Some good friends of ours adopted from the foster care system.  They got their baby when she was less than a week old.  It took over 18 months for the adoption to be finalized.  After about 9 months a relative of the baby decided that they wanted to adopt her instead of letting her stay with our friends.  For the next 9 months they didn't know from one day to the next whether they would get to keep their daughter!!!  Ultimately, the other relative changed his mind, and our friends did get to keep their daughter, but I simply am not wired in a way that would allow me to take that kind of risk.)

So then came Haven.   We thought Haven would be another baby girl from China.  But things in Chinese adoption had changed significantly from when we had started Grace's adoption in 2005.  We started to look at other countries and our next stop was...America!  We started our research with the US Foster Care system, but what we discovered is there were not American kids who needed to be adopted by Carrie and Brian.  As I said before, we were not involved in adoption to save orphans, we wanted to grow our family.  We wanted another baby, younger than Grace to maintain birth order.  And we didn't want to risk facing a situation like the friends I mentioned above had to endure.  We know lots of people who are foster parents or who have done the foster/adopt route.  They are extraordinary people, saints in my opinion. But I am not a saint.  I just wanted to be a parent.

In 2011 there were about 400,000 kids in foster care, but only about one quarter of those kids are considered adoptable.  Out of the 100,000 or so adoptable kids most of those are not infants one year old or less.  Now there is absolutely nothing wrong with adopting an older child, it just didn't happen to be the path my husband and I wanted to take.   Adopting from foster care definitely provides some advantages over international adoption; it is basically free, it doesn't require overseas travel, and a foster child is provided with many of medical and educational opportunites.  However, very quickly we saw that the baby we were hoping for was not going to be found in the United States.

Our research took us all over the planet before we landed in DRCongo.  In Congo we found:

• a place with over 5 million orphans
• a place where woman were being systematically raped as a weapon of war
• a place where the infant and maternal mortality rate is among the highest in the world
• a place where about 16% of all children suffer from malnutrition
• a place where children are dying every day from malaria, tuberculosis, aids, and many other preventable conditions

This is where we found Haven. 

His story is tragic and fairly common.  His parents were both dead, he was about to be from malaria made much worse by malnutrition.  Then a phone call came that brought us all together.  Changed our paths forever.  Changed my heart forever.  I think before Brian even came home from Congo on that first trip that we both knew we would have more children from Congo.  Then came Manny and JoJo.  And I think from the moment I stepped foot into the orphanage that our boys lived in that I would be back someday to bring home a sister for Grace...or two.

It sucks to be an orphan.  In America or China or Congo.  But American orphans don't die everyday of malaria.  American orphans get to see a doctor any time they're sick.  They get to eat 3 meals a day.  They get to go to school.  That's what makes the US Foster Care system so good.  Not perfect, but so much better than what most of the world is able to provide.  American orphans get a chance.

Didn't Grace and Haven and Manny and JoJo deserve that same chance?  Do American babies deserve to live, but African babies deserve to die.  Are American orphans really better?

In my humble opinion, ALL children deserve a chance to live.  ALL children deserve to have a family.  And family isn't about nationality, it's about love.

Up...and then down

Adoption is often compared to a ride on a roller coaster.  We've taken 3 very different rides.

Grace was like one of those old fashioned super tall coaster where it takes you FOREVER to get to the top, then you slide down real fast and its all over.

Haven was one of those crazy fast corkscrew rides.

Manny and JoJo seemed like a pretty leisurely ride until the end when it got bumpy and made me scream "let me off of here"!

Our current adoption has just thrown me for loop.  Not a good loop.  A loop that has left my stomach lurching and tears streaming down my face.  Stop. This. Ride.

We found out a few days ago that we are not going to be able to adopt the twins.  A relative showed up and wants them back.  And so they must go.  Of course, they must go.  It is the right thing.  If any child has the opportunity to live with their birth family then of course they should.

But it still hurts so much I can't really put it into words.  This is the second referral we have lost this time around.  The first one never got moved out of the orphanage so I was disappointed, but it wasn't totally unexpected.  But the twins have been in foster care for over a month.  The official investigation to determine that they were eligible for adoption had already been completed.  We were in the clear.  We gave them names, we bought them dresses.  I let myself love them. 

If you're someone that prays, please pray for my twin girls.  Please pray that whoever came to take them away really does love them and really can take care of them.  Please pray that they don't end up back in the orphanage (yes, that does sometimes happen).  Please pray that they can bounce back from the confusion that all this moving around has got to be causing in their little heads. 

As for the Wood's, we are plugging along.  Staying the course.  God put us on this journey for a reason.  There are two little people who will be a part of our family at some point.  Our first referral got us to put our feet back on the path.  The twins got us moving very quickly on our paperwork and fundraising.  So maybe all three of those little girls were just God's way of making sure we are ready when the right children come along.  We don't know, it doesn't make sense, we can only pray.

A Slight Change of Plans or Miracles Happen or No I'm Not Crazy or Baby Makes 8

A very wise friend of mine once told me that she had stopped trying to make long term plans with her life because they never happened.  This was many years ago when Brian and I were a "child free", dual income family with lots of big plans.  We were going to live somewhere decidedly more glamorous than anywhere we have landed so far (probably on a mountain top or by a beach), design and build our own home, and spend our free time traveling and writing.

Well, I've stopped planning and just started living from one miracle to the next!  Forget long term plans, even the short term ones have just flown out the window. 

• We hadn't planned to have any kids at all--and then we got Grace instead.
• We asked for twins when we started Grace's adoption--but we only got one girl (which was clearly all we could handle) instead.
• We didn't want Grace to be an only child so we went in search of a sister for her--and we got  her brother Haven instead.
• We thought we had enough love and enough room for 2 more so we asked for another boy and girl--and we got 2 perfect baby boys instead.
• We felt we had room for just one more, so we decided to finally bring home that sister for Grace, sometime in the future, maybe in a year or so, when we had more time/money/energy--but before we had even taken a breath we immediately got a referral for a beautiful baby girl instead.

Unfortunately, that referral fell through as things sometimes do in the world of adoption and now we are bringing home, drum roll please......TWIN baby girls instead!!!

Yes, you read that right.  We have been blessed with TWO more miracles.  We will have a total of SIX amazing children in our home.

Our newest change of plans are twin girls just under one year old.  They are not identical but very close.  They look a bit like Manny, with eyes the size of saucers, like Haven, and some crazy hair, like JoJo.  But I have a feeling they will be all princess just like Grace.  We can't share a lot of details about our babies or the adoption process until they are safely home in our arms.  For now we will just call them Baby K and Baby L and as much as I would like to share their beautiful pictures with the whole world, we have to keep those close to our hearts as well.  So how about these cutie pies as a substitute.

If all goes according to "plan" the twins will be home sometime in early spring.  Be sure to check out the Fundraising tab at the top of this page.  We will be having a huge garage sale, raffling some goodies, selling super cool t-shirts and handmade items, and lots lots lots more. It will definitely take the whole village to get these girls home.  But it will be worth it!

And NO, we're not CRAZY.  OK, maybe a little crazy.........crazy in love with all these miracles.

Family Reunions--China Meets Congo

Since we grew our family through adoption we have had the amazing blessing of also growing our extended family.  For the past two summers we have spent time with other families that look a bit like ours and July was a big family reunion month for us.  We spent a weekend in San Antonio with our China Sisters group and then a week in Indiana with our OFA/Congo Family and friends.

For Brian and me, it is a community where we can let our hair down (so to speak) and spend time with people who really get us and the way our family has been grown.  For the kids it is pure and simple: FUN FUN FUN!



Grace sports some lovely braids in San Antonio



Thanks, Aunt Lauree!



Congo--the good, the bad, and the sweaty--Part III--finally in our arms

And just like that they were ours.

When Papa L dropped us off at the guest house he said he would be back to pick us up at 7am and take us to the babies.  I spent the night in an absolute fog.  I was exhausted, but didn't sleep a wink.  I was going to meet my boys. 

I'm pretty sure we did not leave at 7am.  Nothing happens on clock time in Congo.  Everything is on Congo time! 

The driver pulled up in front of our foster family's home and I was crying before I could even get out of the car.  Yes, I'm a crier.  Happy, sad, angry--whatever my emotional state, it comes out in tears.  Mama J was waiting on the front steps holding one of the boys.  I got out and threw my arms around her.  As much as I had been waiting to meet my babies, I had also eagerly awaited the chance to meet the woman who was the first mother to all of my boys, Haven included.  The woman who fed them and carried them and nursed all three of them through cases of malaria.  My boys might not be alive had it not been for her and I just fell apart in her arms.  She doesn't speak any English, but she held me in her arms and whispered to me in a mix of French and Lingala.  She will never know what she means to me and to so many other families.

And then I held my boys.  JoJo was first.  He came to me easily, but from the start was the squirmiest baby ever.  While we sat on the couch inside he tried to climb out the window.  After that, I passed him to Brian.  Next, our sweet timid Manny.  He didn't want to be held by strangers.  He was sad and hot and hungry and sleepy.  I held him for a few minutes and then let one of the daughters take over and comfort him a bit. 

I was trying to soak in all the sights and sounds of this home.  It is very humble.  There is no pastor in the US that lives as humbly as this family.  And besides there own 6 kids living at home, the day we picked up the boys there were 10 other foster kids.  A few of them had only been there a few days, transferred in from an orphanage in another part of the country, but the sacrifice this family makes for other people's children is just overwhelming to me.

That morning we took pictures of all the kids living in this foster home, weighed and measured, hugged and cuddled.  Some have come home to their forever families, some have families in Congo right now waiting to finish up the process, and some have families traveling in the next few weeks.  Beautiful children all moving from the safety and security of this amazing foster family to the stress of a new home here in the states.  They will probably never realize how many people have loved them along the way.  I pray that every family has as smooth a transition as we have had.  It feels like the boys have always been in our family. 

So here is where I am going to gloss over a lot of our trip.  That afternoon we made our first visit to the US Consulate.  We thought we were getting the boys visas that day.  We didn't.  Or the next day, or the next.  After several very long, stressful, angry, tearful visits to that office we finally got the visas on Thursday.  Which set us back almost a full week.  Our trip was supposed to take 2 weeks.  Now it would be 3.  Now we had to explain to our children back home why Mommy and Daddy were not coming home.  We would miss Grace's 4th birthday.  We had to scramble to make sure we had enough money to cover an extra week of food and lodging.  We had to reschedule flights.  I mean, you know there is the chance that things will not go exactly the way you plan them on a trip like this, but I did not handle this change of plans well at all.  Brian and all the very nice people that we were staying with were probably ready to vote me off the island!

I was so incredibly angry and I missed Grace and Haven more than I was prepared for.  I cried. A lot.  And the boys were both sick and it was hot and the food was NOT amazing.  Really, I'm embarrassed at how depressed and whiny I got in that first week.  Every night we would skype with the kids at home and every night I would go back to our apartment in tears.  I don't know how I would have made it through this trip if it hadn't been for the extraordinary people who were living through it all with us.  Having that group of parents and their kids to lean on and share with made it all so much more bearable. 

And so that will be my next post--an ode to the wonderful families that shared my adoption journey.  After that I'm going to do a post about the 2 orphanages I got to visit and a post on the random details that have stuck with me since the trip. 

Keep reading!!!

Are You Going to Tell Them They're Adopted?

A couple of nights ago Grace and I were looking at pictures on Facebook and we came across a pic of our friend Stori with her newborn baby boy and sweet Congolese son.  The picture really caught Grace's eye because she thought it was a picture of Haven (Grace thinks that all black boys are "Congo Boys").  She asked if the baby had been in Stori's tummy.  Another friend (hi Amy) that Grace sees frequently had just had a baby in her tummy so the idea was fresh in Grace's mind.

Then she dropped the bomb on me.   

"Stori's baby was in her tummy, just like I was in your tummy when I was a baby, right Mommy!"

Whoa, wait a minute.  How did we get here!!!

We talk about adoption a lot in our house.  Grace knows that she is from China and the boys are from Congo.  She knows that we went and picked the boys up from Congo.  We have a handful of preschool aged books about adoption on our shelves and a huge photo album filled with pictures of Grace and our trip to China.  But obviously somewhere along the line I had left a gaping hole in my communicating to Grace what it means to be adopted.

And although we've read these books and talked a lot about China, Grace has never asked any of those really tough questions.  I've been waiting for them, but they just never came.  Apparently, because she already had it figured out--she is my daughter and came from my tummy.

So needless to say I was totally speechless and had to think fast.  I explained to her that no, she did not come from my tummy.  I have never had any babies in my tummy.  That she had lived inside another lady's tummy.  She was a beautiful Chinese lady.  But after Grace was born this lady couldn't take care of Grace.  She probably didn't have enough food or didn't have a safe place for Grace to live.  So she took Grace to an orphanage and they took very good care of her there until Daddy and I could come and bring her to be our baby.

Grace took all of this in without too much reaction.

I then told her that I wish she could have been in my tummy and that I was so happy that she was my daughter and I loved her so much.

And then she hit me with another blow.

"What's her name?  My China lady." 

I don't know, sweetheart, and I'll never know, and it breaks my heart that there will always be things that I can't explain or answer or fix for you.  And I am crying for you right now as I type these words.

"I don't know her name, Grace."

That seemed to cause Grace some distress.  She started to shift around in her seat like she does when she wants to stop talking.

"But we can give her a name.  What would you like to call her?"

More shifting in her seat.

"Well, lets think about that.  We'll think of a beautiful Chinese name."

And that was that.  Grace then changed the subject to how she was hungry or princesses or something else I can't remember.  But I know that will not be the end of that conversation.  And as I write it all down tonight my explanations seem so lame.  How can I ever help her make sense of the way she became my daughter? 

But she is my daughter--tummy or no tummy.  She is running a fever tonight and I'm anxious about what's causing it because she is my daughter.  And when she won't go into her bedroom without me because it's too dark she is my daughter.  And when she hugs the pillow off my bed and says its her favorite because it smells like Mommy she is my daughter. 

I just pray that as the years roll by and we have this conversation again and again, that tummy or no tummy, I will always be her Mother, as much as she is my daughter.

"Mommy loves you, Grace.  Mommy love you."




December 2007




April 2011



It Takes a Village--and a leap of faith!

This post is to say thank you.  To you and you and you over there.  You know who you are.  Oh don't blush.  You're amazing and generous and spectacular people and you have helped forever change our lives.
 

You are our village. 

And believe me, it took a whole village to bring home Manny and JoJo.  When we started this process the most common reaction to the news that we were going to adopt two more babies was "Are you crazy?"  NO, we weren't crazy.  We were just doing what we were told.  By a much Higher Power.  Who we were pretty sure was not crazy.  Which, I know, sounds crazy to some of you. 

No, I do not hear the voice of God in my head.  But one day I woke up and I just knew that we were supposed to adopt again and I knew it was supposed to be 2 in one shot.  And I had an absolute sense of peace about the decision. 

So I started mentioning it to Brian--"So what do you think about adopting again?"  That's what I say when I really want something but I think he might not "so-what-do-you-think-about...."  And strangely enough he didn't say "Are you crazy?"  He said "Maybe"!  So I said "And I think that we should go ahead and get two, while we're there".  And he said "Ok".

And then I said "Are we crazy?????" And he said "No, we have plenty of room in our house, and plenty to eat on our table, and plenty of love."  Do I have the best husband in the world or what!

So we called the director of Our Family in Africa (formally Our Family Adoptions) who just days before had posted a notice on the OFA website that they were not taking any new applications and said "I know this sounds crazy, but before you close the door, can we squeeze in and adopt two more babies?"  And thankfully she said yes.

So we dove right in.  We didn't have any money and Brian was already a stay at home dad at this point. But we just knew this was the right thing to do (in spite of the fact that so many people thought it was crazy).  And this is where all of you came in. 

You, our village, our rocks.  The people who didn't call us crazy, or irresponsible, or selfish.  You, who saw what we saw--the faces of two precious angels who were not meant to live out their days in an orphanage.  And you took the leap of faith with us.  You gave us our babies.

You donated money, items for garage sales, baby stuff.  You threw us showers and showered us with gifts.  You called and emailed and facebooked us, just to make sure that we were holding up ok through the long wait.  And you covered us with so many prayers that God could not have possibly not heard them!  You became our village.

Now, I have to say that before this adoption, I didn't really know that we had a village.  We had friends--friends from church, friends from school, friends close by, and friends far away--but out of these friendships emerged a whole clan of people who helped bring our babies home.  Some of them are old friends, some are new, some from our old church and some from our new church.  Some are tall friends, some are short.  Some are people I knew from college, from theatre life, from work.  And some are people we barely know or have only met through the internet.

My village is all over the countrysome on the east coast and some on the west.  Some very special villagers are in Kentucky, Indiana, Illinois, and of course, in Texas--Whitehouse and Fort Worth and Cypress and Waller.  There are so many of you very special people and I hope that you all know who you are because I couldn't begin to list you all here.  And surely I would forget someone and that would be a terrible thing because we would not have been blessed with Immanuel and Josias if it weren't for each and everyone of you.

So to my village, to all my peeps all over the world I say thank you and bless you and we couldn't have done it without you.  No really, we couldn't have!  Just look what you made possible.



Immanuel's referral photo--approximately 3 weeks old



Josias' referral picture--approximately 1 month old



The little mama hard at work.



What Grace had waited for all those months--a chance to feed "her babies".

Now that the boys are home, people don't tell us we're crazy quite so often (at least not to our face).  But we do hear the phrase "Boy, you sure do have your hands full!"  We literally heard that at the grocery store from 4 different strangers today.  Well, yes we do, but our hearts are even fuller.

Another Item Crossed Off the "To-Do" List

First of all I would like to give a great big internet hug to all of you who have donated to Our Family Adoptions on behalf of our adoption. The generosity of our family and friends is always overwhelming. I also want to thank you all for clicking away on the ads next to my posts. I am already making a little bit of money everytime you click. And every teeny, tiny bit will help bring Haven home from the Congo.

Yesterday morning Brian and I got up quite early to rush to the offices of the US Citizenship and Immigration Services to be fingerprinted. We had finally recieved our official invitation, so we went down on the first day that I had off of work. For those of you who have lived through the adoption process, you know what an important step this is. We are now pretty much finished with all paperwork and are just waiting for our I-171 to come back from the US government. This is the form that says, "Yes, we know all your deepest, darkest secrets, but we are still going to let you adopt a baby from overseas." So this was a very big item on the "To-Do" list.

Once the I-171 comes back to us, it will also be forwarded to the US Embassy in Kinshasa, DRC, so that they know we have permission for the adoption. So now we are waiting for a referral. The timeline from here on out is very up in the air. Could be several weeks or several months. It is all in God's hands. We just pray each day that Haven is somewhere safe from all the conflict in the Congo. It has been a very scary place to be a baby in the last few weeks. For the latest news on DRC and other world events I have placed a link to CNN world news at the bottom of this page.